Baby Number 2! what we (plan) to do differently and what we’ll (likely) do the same.
Edgar and I have been getting asked a lot lately is there’s anything we’ll do differently the second time around and as it turns out, there are a few things (and lots we’ll do the same!) For reference, our first born just turned two last month and will be about 2.5 when our second baby arrives. I’ve been a stay at home mom with her since she was born, obtained a pediatric sleep specialist certification, and will continue to be a work from home/stay at home mom with my kids(!!!!)
Sooooo let’s start with what we’ll probably do differently. I say probably because (as any parent knows) things change when you welcome a baby into your family. Some of your parenting ideals will stay the same as they were before baby came into the picture and some will change.
For example, I was HELL BENT on not having a picky eater/not feeding my daughter junk food and that’s one of the things that hasn’t changed since she came into our lives. It was harder than I thought but I can happily say that I now have a two year old who will eat steamed spinach at breakfast, lentil soups, a variety of nuts and seeds, most vegetables, and so on.
Aaaand, of course there were things that changed from our ideals when Ruth was born. We were pretty against a bouncer/seat/swing and against pacifiers but we ended up buying an expensive ass mamaroo and a pacifier when she was a few weeks old because she was so “colicky” and we could almost never put her down…ever. (side note: the pacifier didn’t work for us anyways and the mamaroo wasn’t actually very helpful either.)
So, things change.
HERE’S WHAT WE PLAN TO DO DIFFERENTLY WITH BABY NUMBER 2!—
Substantially less (or maybe none at all) swaddling. We swaddled Ruth A LOT in those first few months, when she was sleeping (at night) when she was awake during the day sometimes, etc. Everyone talked about how comforting and “womb like” swaddling a baby was and I had never heard of any downsides to it. Without getting too far into it (see my swaddling pros and cons blog post) constraining a baby’s arms to the sides of their body isn’t actually like how they’re positioned in the womb…at all. What swaddling does do is suppress their moro reflex which eventually comes back to bite you in the rear when it’s time to transition out of the swaddle. (again more on this topic in my swaddling pros and cons post.) So, I’m not 100% against swaddling and might do it sparingly in those first few weeks to help calm but I do not plan on making it a regular thing/limiting this baby’s movement for 10+ hours a day.
I didn’t do this at all with Ruth but this time around I think I might haaka/pump/ladybug. (Okay I did use the hakka a couple times the first week or two with Ruth until I put it together that it the suction stimulates more milk production which I didn’t want because I was SO engorged and had such an oversupply for quite some time.) I exclusively breastfed Ruth for just over two years. Mostly that was fine but there were a few times I kind of wished I could have a little space from her/let someone else feed her once in awhile, etc. So if I do introduce a bottle with this babe it would be more sparingly because I still don’t see the use in pumping to feed them a bottle when I’m home with them all day but I do think it could be nice to get a …break…every now and then.
Explore crib/bed naps a little earlier…I guess have a “flexible” napper. Ruth was flexible in that I could nurse her to sleep ANYWHERE and we weren’t dependent on a rocking chair/white noise/etc (nothing wrong with those sleep associations!) The first few weeks I didn’t even consider really putting her down for naps because Edgar and I just wanted to hold her nonstop. After awhile I tried setting her down for a couple naps but it never lasted/the transfer never stuck/etc. It scared me off of trying often because it just felt so much easier to just hold her and nurse her. So, she contact napped for the first 5 months of her life and at that point I slowly worked on nursing her to sleep in our family bed and rolling away when she was out. I was home with her and I have zero regrets about all of the beautiful hours we spent contact napping. But my circumstances are different this time around and while I’ll definitely still sit on the couch with baby number two napping on me and do lots of carrier naps, I’ll also have a toddler who needs me too and two businesses to run so I want to work on creating a flexible sleeper: one who will nap in their crib/our bed sometimes, on me or in the carrier sometimes, in the car or stroller sometimes, etc. We’ll need that kind of flexibility this time around.
Practice tummy time a lot more often in the first few months and avoid the mamaroo as much as possible. Like I said before we didn’t ever intend on having a bouncer of any sorts because I wanted to keep our baby out of a container as much as possible but ended up buying one because she hated being put down and would cry for hours a day even while being held/us trying everything we could think of and thought maybe, just maybe, a mamaroo would somehow be more soothing than her parents lol, or at least give us a few minutes break. We definitely did tummy time with Ruth in those first few months but Edgar had read in a dad book that “there are few adults that don’t know how to roll from their stomach to their backs.” Basically, that the only purpose of tummy time was to encourage rolling and that it’s not a race to get your baby to roll. I believe that to be true- nothing our babies and kids do should ever be a race. So we didn’t make too much of an effort to be super consistent with it. But as it turns out, regularly practicing tummy time in the first three months (especially in the morning when everyone is in a good mood) will likely make the first year much easier. Their brains are exploding and these first three months are when most parents tend to be on parental leave so it’s the perfect time to get them loving being on the floor and exploring/learning. I obviously won’t be returning to an out of the house job but have a feeling when Edgar goes back to work I might be more tempted to put the baby in the mamaroo because I’ll be solo parenting two and running two businesses all day. But, if I can get this one to learn to love tummy/floor time early on it’ll be easier to avoid the containers and put them down when needed.
being vigilant about red flags from the get go! We were (somewhat) clueless first time parents those first few months…before the red flags became OBVIOUS. I was just watching some newborn videos of Ruth the other day and in sooooo many of them she was sleeping with her mouth wide open which is a huge red flag (for anyone- breathing through your mouth while sleeping is not ideal for anyone at any age!) Feeding was super painful for me those first few weeks which I thought was normal but I now know that can be a sign of oral ties (which became obvious to us at 4 months when she abruptly went on a nursing strike so we went to an IBCLC. thankfully the strike didn’t last longer than a day.) These are just a few examples but there are so many things I know now (as a second time mom but especially having gone through my sleep certification) that will be so much easier to address right away now that I know what to look out for. (red flags briefly outlined here.)
WHAT WE PLAN TO DO THE SAME WITH BABY NUMBER TWO—
Being flexible around nighttime sleep! We were so flexible with where/hold Ruth slept and it’s worked out for us. We tried a side car crib with her (which she took to for a couple weeks) she slept on our chests for a month or two? and she’s slept in our bed for the majority of her life. We tried a few options and found what worked for all of us. We didn’t go into it with a strict plan because even pre-baby Nalani knew that that probably wouldn’t work out. So, we’ll likely set up the side car in our room again and see if it works. If not, we’ll happily allow this baby in our bed or on our chests. We feel comfortable with this as we’re well educated on how to significantly reduce any risks with these sleeping set ups. (read all about safer bedsharing here and the major flaws in the aap’s anti bedsharing recommendation here.)
Holding our baby as much as possible!! We held Ruth all the time when she was little and while I do wish she would have been okay with letting us put her down a little more often I also love how much time she spent in our arms. Infants attach to their caregivers through close proximity and are designed to seek closeness. So, I love the thought of keeping them close as much as we can. (I’m not talking about holding them nonstop 24/7 or never ever taking a break lol - more so not stressing when/if our babe doesn’t want to be put down, less mamaroo time (maybe I should just sell it??) Ruth still wants to be held a lot but also is on the run so much and time is such a sick thief and I already miss those days of holding her little body in my arms all day.
Being flexible about pacifier use. Like I said before, I was pretty against a pacifier when we had Ruth and ended up researching “the best” ones and ordering one out of desperation when she was a few weeks old. We tried it (sparingly) for about two weeks or so and it never stuck so we gave up and I don’t regret any of it. Let’s start with why we didn’t want to use one with Ruth- from a dentist’s perspective, pacifiers shouldn’t be used past a year or they’ll begin to impede on oral development. So I thought it would maybe just be easier to skip it altogether than to have to wean a one year old from something they’ve grown very dependent on? My brother in law is a chiropractor and has also talked with us about how lots of pacifier use can impact oral/cranial development. They can also impact speech development. Crying is also a baby’s main way to communicate and pacifiers tend to plug their only way to communicate. Pacifiers often suppress emotion and get popped into a baby’s mouth the second they start crying. I’m not saying they don’t have a time and a place but I think it can be a slippery slope if you’re not conscious about it. So, we have one and might try it if it seems like it might be helpful for times when I’m not available (while in the car, if they’re with Edgar, etc.) but it will be kind of a last ditch effort instead of a first response.
baby led weaning (in terms of how we’ll approach solids not really about actually weaning…but maybe?) we did baby led weaning with Ruth- offering certain solids in a way that reduces choking risk but allows for a variety of textures and promotes chewing/jaw development. We did do some mashed foods here and there and definitely plenty of foods that are already in a “puree” form like yogurt, hummus, etc. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with buying or making purees but they just didn’t appeal to us and our lifestyle.
home birth! as of now, we’re planning our second home birth. of course you can’t actually plan birth- you can have an ideal scenario of how you want birth to go/where you want to give birth but there’s no guarantee how it will go so ultimately we just hope for a safe and healthy birth no matter what happens. But, our plan right now is another home birth. we loved our experience having ruth at home and met the criteria for home birth and took a few extra precautions (calling our local ems station to make them aware we were planning a home birth and making sure they knew how to get to our house in case of emergency- our house is out in the sticks and gps often takes you to the wrong place. calling several local hospitals to also let them know we’re planning a home birth/when I’m due and pre-checking in in case something happened.) I’ll write another blog post on why we personally have chosen home birth!
no sleep training. i’ve said it a hundred times I understand why people feel the need to sleep train….when you don’t know that other options for getting more sleep without cry it out exist!! (or ya know when people you trust/look up to are telling you you HAVE to do it in order for you baby to ever sleep without your support, that it’s beneficial for the baby, that it’ll save your mental health, relationships, etc.) if you know our story with ruth you know we got to a point where we hit ROCK BOTTOM around 6-7 months when for weeks on end (not just a few days or a week or sporadically but nightly for well over a month) she would wake every 20-45 minutes. WE WERE DESPERATE but did not want to sleep train. thankfully we found the help we needed from a sleep specialist just like myself and our sleep and mental health improved dramatically. here are four common sleep training myths, a brief history of sleep training, why sleep training isn’t normal around the world, and finally 8 ways you can get sleep without sleep training (or you can book a 1:1 consult with me here for more tailored support!!)
Like I mentioned, things change and some things you plan do to or not do get adjusted when you meet your new baby (and your new self!) but as of right now those are the big things we plan to do differently and keep the same! The rest will just fall into place the way it’s meant to be!
Questions about any of it? Ask below! I’m an open book :)
