An Update On Screen Time: how we approach screen time with our (now) two year old toddler.

In an earlier post I explained the many reasons why we chose to not use screens with Ruth and what we spent our time doing instead. If you want to learn more about why we avoided screens for the first 18+ months of Ruth’s life, read the post here!

Our approach to screens has evolved over the recent months so I thought I would update you on why we’ve changed our stance (a little) and how we navigate screen time these days.

What prompted the change??

It started back in August (when Ruth was 22 months old) and we took her on a 20 (one way) road trip to Glacier National Park in Montana. At 22 months we started to feel a little more comfortable with the idea of a little screen time here and there and ended up buying her a kindle. Almost everything says to wait ideally until age 2 but at least until 18 months to introduce any screen time so while 22 months still felt a little early for us personally, it also didn’t feel super out of line either.

Our first really big trip with Ruth! We spent two weeks driving out to Glacier National Park and back. We’ve traveled a lot with her throughout various parts of the midwest but this was hands down the farthest road trip we’ve done with her and the longest we’ve been away from home with her.

…I neeeeever in a million years I would willingly buy my child (especially at such a young age!) their own screen device but alas, here we are.

Our car doesn’t have a dvd player and we don’t have any portable screens (like an ipad) ourselves that would be travel friendly/toddler friendly. We knew the drive would be long (for all of us) and while we packed lots of toys and took many many many many stops along the way to let her out to play/move/burn energy/etc. we ultimately decided a kindle for her might just save everyone’s sanity.

We also knew that once we were at our destination, we would be outside almost 24/7 and to us that felt like a good balance/way to make up for however much screen time she would end up getting on the drive.

…the joke was on us. Ruth had almost zero interest in any of the shows we pre downloaded for her. All she wanted to do was have us read the books we had also downloaded. Which didn’t give us the break in the car we were hoping for but it kept her from screaming and it was also kind of sweet that she only wanted to read the books (the girl still loves sitting and reading books over most other activities.)

Anyways, after we got home from that trip we left her kindle in the car (where it still remains.) We only let her use it on long long drives after all else has failed. It’s never a given on car rides and is never the first thing we hand her when she needs something to occupy her in the car.

Now, for how our approach to screen time has changed at home.

When we got home from our trip we still didn’t do screens inside with Ruth for about another month or so. School started back up (Edgar’s a school counselor) and I was in the middle of first trimester. Ruth was also at an age (23 months and counting) where both Edgar and I felt more comfortable with her watching a little tv during the day on an as needed basis.

We personally didn’t set up any strict rules around screen time (they might be helpful in the future or for your family but right now we don’t feel like we need them.)

Watching a movie or tv show really only holds her attention for about 20 minutes or so…and honestly I personally wouldn’t want her to sit and watch tv for much more than that at this age. So we watch an episode (if that) and then turn the tv off. One thing we do set a strict boundary on is not having tv on in the background (I personally love background tv when I’m working but if Ruth is around the tv is off unless we’re directly choosing to sit down and engage with it.) We’ve done this since she was born and haven’t looked back. If the house feels quiet or like I’d like a little more stimulation (lol) we put on a record or I’ll play an audiobook or podcast on the speaker. The auditory intake does not pose a developmental concern the way visual stimulation does.

Anyways, we started doing a little tv time a few days a week…mostly depending on how I’m feeling. I was sooooooo tired during first trimester (read about my personal second pregnancy first trimester experience here!) so sitting down and letting her watch a show for 20 minutes and not having to think about anything or move at all was truly awesome. Some weeks she watches tv 3 days out of 7 and others she doesn’t watch any.

Okay I know this doesn’t look safe but I made sure those logs were securely in place and trust me they won’t budge!

We also spend a TON of time outside and being active and reading books and exploring during the day so I really feel zero guilt with my two year old watching a little tv here and there during the week. I think one of the most important things (for us) is having a balance (not a 50/50 balance but more of a 10/90 balance lol) between tv time and gross motor/fine motor/outdoor time/unstructured play/etc.

Another reason I don’t feel guilt around screen time is because we’ve chosen to be very selective with what we let Ruth watch.

The unfortunate reality is that many (dare I say most??) shows for toddlers/kids are far too overstimulating and act as a stimulant, as a drug almost. The more stimulating the show, the stronger the “hit” if you will.

These hyper-stimulating shows lead to younger children experiencing very real symptoms of addiction and withdrawal. We can all picture a toddler (maybe even our own) who has become very dysregulated when the tv has been shut off or screen has been taken away, right? Yeah, that’s the addiction/withdrawal symptoms hitting hard.

Hyper stimulating shows also give many toddlers and kids a general discomfort with everyday life. It’s like of like the adult epidemic with our phones/screens (guilty as charged here) it can be hard to just be sometimes because we’re so used to that extra stimulation…it makes many moments feel boring when really…they aren’t.

Our kids start to crave this level of hyper-stimulation (again, like many of us adults with our on screens) and begin to expect this level of intense stimulation at all times. This, as I’m sure you can guess, makes it very hard for them to play creatively or without external entertainment.

So, with all that in mind, we’ve selected a few shows that are very slow paced and don’t provide too much of a sensory overload. A few examples: If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, Llama Llama, Trash Truck, Guess How Much I Love You, Elinor Wonders Why, etc. occasionally we let Daniel Tiger slip in too.

You’re obviously allowed to set up your own guidelines and restrictions around screen time but I know for me sometimes it’s nice to hear what other parents are doing (and why.) I have no regrets in waiting until Ruth was nearly two to start sloooooowly introducing a little screen time into her life.

I imagine our relationship with screens will continue to evolve overtime. There will be seasons where we’re completely screen free and there will be seasons where I allow a little more here and there.