10 Things I Stopped Feeling Guilty About As A Parent
These things are personal for me but might resonate with you too. Raising a human is a HUGE responsibility that can easily come with feelings of guilt for a million reasons that just aren’t necessary.
I like to keep myself informed and if I learn something new I’m able to make the changes I see fit without also feeling huge amounts of guilt about it (example we swaddled ruth often when she was a baby- all night, for most naps, sometimes while she was awake during those first few weeks, etc. and now I’ve learned a lot about why swaddling maybe isn’t ideal and don’t plan to do it with our next baby but don’t feel bad about doing it with our first, ya know) anyways, hopefully you’re about to release any guilts that have been weighing over you lately.
needing (and wanting!) some time away from my daughter. this was more limited during her first year of life in order to facilitate a strong attachment between the two of us but now that she’s a little older I feel no guilt over taking 20-60 minutes to myself each night. It used to bother me that I was missing on family time but I’ve learned how valuable that time is to myself and the alone time for her and her papa is important too! I still very much value how much time we spend together and no longer feel guilty for needing a little break from her each day / or needing time away with Edgar without Ruth.
her sleeping habits. she’s never (aside from her first month of life) slept stretches longer than 1-3 hours (3 is considered VERY good over here lol) she needs my support to fall asleep for naps and resettle at night. none of this is a reflection of my parenting. I support her because she needs my support, none of her sleep habits are a problem and certainly aren’t problems caused by me.
On a similar note- bedsharing safely!! It CAN be done in a safer way that not only makes night wakings easier to manage, but also supports the breastfeeding relationship and provides extra emotional comforting opportunities for all three of us. She won’t sleep with us forever and my husband and I will have the rest of our lives to sleep in our bed just the two of us.
my relationships changing. I don’t have time to see my friends as much as I used to and that’s okay. Edgar and I experienced way more ups and downs in her first year of life than any of our previous years together and that’s okay. We’re new at this and learning.
Taking a few minutes (during nap usually) to do nothing. Zero intentions of being productive. It’s okay to just breathe for a moment.
Not doing everything as perfectly as I thought I would (not EVERY toy in our house is sustainably made and wooden and Montessori or Waldorf based, not ALL of her clothes are organic & ethically sourced or thrifted, not EVERY thing she eats is incredibly nutrient dense/organic/sugar free/unprocessed/etc, she definitely gets a hold of my phone more often than I’d like, etc.)
Not getting her dressed if she doesn’t want to change out of her pajamas.
Using disposable diapers and wipes occasionally when we have plenty of good reusables.
Not having a picture perfect house. 99% of the time the dishes/laundry/mopping/etc can wait. Ruth lives here and I feel no obligation to try to hide that.
Not socializing her constantly. I used to feel bad that her social interactions are (aside from her father and myself) rather limited. But, I’ve learned a lot about attachment in recent months and have realized that constant socialization with other kids is far from necessary for her development. She needs to attach to Edgar and I, not her peers (this isn’t a slam against childcare by any means!!!) Just steering away from the pressure to constantly socialize our kids because “it’s good for them!” to a certain extent it is but they definitely don’t need the constant interactions that are heavily pushed.
BONUS: Being a stay at home working mom. I used to sometimes feel bad about taking some time during the evenings and weekends away from my family, taking every nap time, and sometimes working while she’s awake playing. Then I realized for us the alternative to me working from home would be me working full time outside of the home and instead of missing a handful of hours a week or not having my undivided attention on her during the day, I would be missing 45+ hours of her life and so I no longer feel guilty for being a stay at home working mom.
